Yesterday, I was preparing documents for a couple of clients’ orders. I was doing it for more than two hours already when Olivia crawled towards me and banged on my laptop’s keyboard..and the unthinkable happened… Yes… she accidentally deleted what I was doing… Not just the document but she deleted (accidentally) the whole folder that I have been doing for two consecutive nights. Gone. All gone. G-O-N-E  in a snap of a finger.

Can you imagine my frustration? I wanted to cry. Olivia’s currently on my lap that moment but instead of crying or getting mad at her or at the universe, what I did was I hugged her. I hugged my daughter and kissed her. I smiled and smothered her with kisses.

I do not want to get mad at her or worse, shout at her. I never have and never will. I don’t even want her to feel my frustration over what happened (because you know, babies feel what you feel, they can absorb it). I just wanted her to feel loved. I wanted her to know that it wasn’t her fault. She’s a baby. She doesn’t know what she’s doing.

I got screamed, scolded and cursed at when I was a kid for accidentally deleting stuff, too (not by my parents in particular). It was very traumatic. It ruined my childhood. It made me cry so hard. All I thought during that time was how mean people are. How mean the world is. That I am a failure and I cannot touch or explore things anymore.

I was a kid. I was really devastated and it made a huge impact on my life. Up until now, I can still remember how it felt back then. It really left a scar on my heart.

I do not want Olivia to feel the same way. If I scream at her, she won’t remember it (as she’s still an infant) when she grows up but this will have a psychological effect on her. She would be stressed at such an early age and I do not want that to happen. I am her mother, I am her protector, not the one who would make her cry. I would never scream at her no matter how frustrated I get. I swear it on my life. Those documents are important but Olivia is way way way more important. I can re-do those documents in no time but if I scream at my daughter, I will never be able to turn back the time and un-scream at her. I cannot undo hurting her feelings.

Our babies won’t remember how exactly we treat them, but the way we do will affect them and will reflect on their personalities as they grow up.

A kid is a kid. A baby is a baby. They are just too innocent. They do not know that some of the things they do would frustrate the adults.

Sometimes, I’d think that those things happen to me when I was a kid so I’d know what it feels like. I’d still feel bad over it but I’m thankful as well because I learned that I  shall never do it come the time that I have a kid of my own.

How about you? How do you handle your frustration? Do you vent it out towards your kid/s? Share your thoughts/experiences

 

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